How
Greek Guys in Their 30s
Find Greek Girls in Their 20s
February 14, 2005
This year for Valentine’s Day, we here at DCGreeks.com
decided to tackle one of the communities least talked about but most fascinating
phenomena – how do Greek guys in their mid to late 30s end up marrying Greek
girls in their early 20s? The prevalence of large age differences between
husbands and wives is a very old world practice that you would have thought
would have ended as the Greek population gets more established here in the U.S.
We predict that this trend will lessen and will more than likely disappear in
places like DC in 10 to 15 years, but its fun to come up with a theory on why it
still persists today. For all of you out there who are thinking that it’s
simply a function of perpetual bachelors who have established themselves looking
for a hot young wife, well keep reading.
Ever notice that you’ve never heard the story of the Greek high school
sweethearts getting married. We’re not sure how often this happens these days
in normal everyday life, but it virtually never happens in Greek-American
circles. A combination of GOYA and strict parents gives Greek guys and girls a
late start in dating. In an environment when they are either surrounded by all
their first cousins, or they are so familiar with each other that they feel like
their brother or sister anyway, Greek guys and girls seem virtually harmless to
each other. Greeks-Americans high schoolers whose parents allow them to date in
high school, will typically date non-Greeks.
The next place where most people meet the love of their life is college. It’s
here where we see things turning around in the next decade or so, as Greek guys
and girls start going to college and graduate school together. We’re not sure
about other parts of the country, but here in the DC area, Greek guys and girls
didn’t both start ending up at the same out-of-town college until the early to
mid 90s. Greek girls were certainly to college before then, but more often than
not, overprotective parents (fathers) would steer them towards traditional
commuter schools, fine colleges in their own right, but advantageous to keeping
them at home. Without going away to college, Greek girls would not be able to
meet Greek guys in a less restrictive setting and meet new Greek guys that they
didn’t find as harmless. And besides Greek-Americans need to get away from the
scrutiny of the rest of the community for relationships to flourish. It’s much
easier for two Greek-Americans to meet away at college and develop a
relationship strong enough to survive the interrogations and interest of
parents, their church, and everyone else.
Unfortunately often what prevents Greek-Americans who even do go to college
together over an hour from home, is that as a result of classic over-protective
Greek parenting, is both Greek guys and girls entering their “stupid” period
– a time where many in both groups date those who aren’t right for them, or
who they couldn’t possibly seeing themselves marrying. Greek guys more likely
are the ones to break out of that phase earlier, setting up plenty of unrequited
college relationships. Another thing that happens is that Greek guys and girls
end up staying together in their high school relationships into college as well,
allowing them to miss the boat on finding the Greek that a few years down the
road will end up being the person with which they spend the rest of their lives.
If a Greek guy and girl don’t find themselves in college, the odds are
greater that both of them are heading down the road to a 30s-20s marriage. They
will either return home after college or move to an entirely new city. The guys
that return home can’t compete with the Greek guys in their 30s who have
already established themselves in their lives and careers, the same guys who
didn’t have the opportunity to meet a lot of Greek girls when they themselves
were young enough to be in college. (Many Greek girls would rather find someone
safe and established than roll the dice on a younger guy with potential.) The
newly graduated Greek guys are also too busy in their new careers and life after
college that they often don’t have the time to find Greek girls, until they
themselves become the over-30 bachelors that they swore they would never be
like. The Greek girls who return home are also busy in their careers and have
the added pressure from their parents to get married, to these perennial Greek
over-30 bachelors who are under as much or even more pressure to settle down
themselves. It is not surprising that many of these relationships are set-ups
anyway. Those Greek-Americans who move to a different city are busy with their
careers and trying to acclimate to a new environment. Unless they make a
conscious effort to get involved in the Greek community in their new town, they
may end up not marrying Greek at all. The alternative for those who do seek out
the Greek community in their new town, is a greater likelihood of them marrying
a Greek closer to their own age.
As a final thought, we wanted to add that this probably isn’t the only
theory on why this phenomena exists, and also that we’re not making any
judgments. Greek-American society really doesn’t have a standard as to what is
the acceptable age difference between a husband and wife. American society has
actually reduced it to a mathematical formula no more complex than a simple
linear equation, but we may reveal that at another time. We’d be interested in
seeing one for the Greek community that didn’t involve exponential functions.
Read
past feature articles.